Lil Hoes on the Prairie: Southern Illinois Pride Fest

Sisters Mothra Stewart, Gay Bitch Milkshake, Toggaf Tuls Reeuq, and Fagatha Hardness attended and tabled at PrideFest in Carbondale this Saturday.

Srs Stewart and Milkshake also participated in the Pride March and Cruise, debuting the SOIL Sisters’ new banner. Being the queers they are, they chose to cruise, of course. Sr Milkshake took the wheel while Sr Stewart made a throne for herself in the bed of the truck, waving her Pride flag and blessing the marchers and spectators with a rubber chicken. As you do.

Returning to the festival, they met up with Srs Hardness and Reeuq, who were splitting their asses--er, time between the Rainbow Café table, the SOIL Sisters table, and any table in between that showed the slightest interest. They take very seriously the spreading part in “spreading universal joy.”

At the SOIL Sisters’ table, free condoms, stickers, and chilled water bottles were offered to any passing festival attendees. Srs Reeuq and Milkshake blessed several attendees while Sr Hardness encouraged folks to join them on a pub crawl later in the month. Sr Stewart also read Tarot cards for a donation of any amount, including a “compliment” if that’s all an attendee could afford. That’s what “complimentary” means, right?

Sr Hardness bought way too much jewelry and shared some of their findings with their sisters. They nearly blinded Sr Reeuq with the sparkles coming off their fingers. Sr Stewart said she nearly gagged herself on the spiciness of a veggie quesadilla from the Newall Farms food tent, but we all know she lost her gag reflex years ago.
Sr Milkshake made it their personal mission to kiss all the dogs at PrideFest; we’re pretty sure summa them weren’t dogs! One of them, at least, was a boa constrictor, but it wagged its tail so Sr Milkshake gave it a kiss.

At the end of the festival, Sr Stewart took a turn in the dunk tank. Far too many Southern Illinoisan’s seemed to want to drown a moth. It didn’t help that her husband was paying for people to dunk her. He even paid the premium price to dunk her directly without handling any balls--which, you know, seems to skip past the funnest part.
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All in all, a good time was had by all. Southern Illinois showed out for PrideFest this year and it was an amazing success. The SOIL Sisters were proud to be a part of it and involved in the planning.